I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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