If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sober January is a disaster.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
