I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
