I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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