hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
