They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
