Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
