he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
