so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
