Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
