If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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