never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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