today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
