Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
