I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
