i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
