im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
