somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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