You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
dude. I can hear the air.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
