you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
