don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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