just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
