This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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