I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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