bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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