I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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