yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
