i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
