Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
