Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
