im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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