He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
