I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
