listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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