That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
