i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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