Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
