I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
