Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
