Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
