My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
