Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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