Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
