Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
