Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
