tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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