you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
