you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
