Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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