Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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