He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
